There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
