after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
