um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
