You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
