he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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