fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
