a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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