Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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