Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
