i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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