I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
