He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
