In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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