I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
