Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
