when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
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I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
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there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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