I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
