So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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