just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she told me i tasted like america
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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