I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
