your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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