for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
