When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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