Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
