I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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