I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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