We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
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I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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