my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
