Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
