Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
ok first of all what the fuck
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