Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
