thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
