I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
