i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
