And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
