I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
