She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
