Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
