OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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