Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
