haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
