well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
