My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
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For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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