I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
