My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
