This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
