I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
