i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
