insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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