I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
