I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i will never coherently bang her
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
