Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
