my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
