She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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