I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
