i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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