PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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