I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
