one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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