I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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