I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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