Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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