saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
