I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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