If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
