hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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