i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
