we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
