its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
