my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
