i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
