she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
