my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Hippo gnu deer
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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