It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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