Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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