never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
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I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My life is pants optional.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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