the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
